Really Brain, We're Going To Do THIS Now

It's been a while since I've done a total brain dump so I'm going to do one now. What's a brain dump? A term I just came up with to describe the random stream of consciousness inner musing thing I do every now and then because I think my brain is so strange and my life so random. Anyway, brain dump... [cue theme music and title sequence].

Random Sticky Note
I have a random sticky note on my desktop. On it, it says, "Flash drive is a representation of my life." I wrote that about a week ago or something, I really don't know. Anyway, now I'm trying to remember why the flash drive represents my life. It was probably because things get added to it, taken out, and, when I don't keep track of how often I've used it, probably has a lot of random stuff on it that I forgot existed. Yeah that sums everything up. It gets used and guarded and for a while, the only goal is to not lose it. I live and try to not die (I'll get to that at some point) and for a moment, everything is more or less in order and I try not to loose my marbles or something. I lose it, or leave it somewhere and look at it everyday but still forget that it exists. My life falls apart (happens semi-often), or I loose my hold on reality and the plane of existence and only go through the motions of life. It's small and easy to forget about (old memory from my past that I don't like to dredge up). It's contents change but the outside stays the same. Okay, so I don't look the same but the basic concept is there, I grow, I change, I have character traits that are very different from the ones I had when I was younger. The flash drive is a representation of my life... I like it.

Seriously Brain, Why?!?!
In my Lit class, we are reading Arcadia. So after day one of reading about carnal embrace and the running gag that followed, I walked into class with my inner self really wanting to make a "That's what she said" joke. Skip to the end of the day, I'm in 7th period and my teacher has a couple of the guys go get some butcher paper.

Guy 1: What color paper do you want?
Teacher: I would prefer white, but really something I can write on.
My Brain: That's what she said.
Me: Why brain, why?

Stop It Brain, You KNOW This
Another thing my brain has been doing is registering things strangely. Like I know, my teacher was wearing a navy shirt, but my brain was registering it as purple. Like legit, I say to myself, "That shirt is navy" and in my mind would say "That shirt is purple." And then a friend of mind takes Spanish and I know she takes Spanish. That's all she's taken since freshman year. And my brain was like, "She just came from Chinese class." My brain is strange and I'm pretty sure I'm going mad. It's irritating to look at something and have to process for a moment what the heck it is. I just looked at my camera, my partner in crime, my one true love (too far? Too bad *sticks out tounge*) and was like, "You are red... You're a Nikon... I gave you a name... Ooo pineapple juice, wait that can is empty... Oh! You're name is RoA... Wait, that's right but wrong... Ages, Rock of Ages." And then I turned to my beautiful film camera and was like, "I think you're Ted. No Ted is my favorite chart. You're Colonel. Not that's not right. General? No... Major, like Major General Sir. Right..." I'm loosing myself right? Maybe not... Who knows. I don't, and my brain sure doesn't. I would say stranger things have happened, but I can't think of any examples.

Lines Of Dialogue, But No Plot
I'm a creator. I create things. Whether or not those things come to physical form in the real world is another mater. I see a blank room and I think about the different ways I could paint and design it. I visualize photo shoots that I would run if I had the money or contacts. I come up with creatures and beings that I would love to be able to draw and give life to. I write to share what's in my head. The characters I create and take time to give a past to mean so much to me. In my head, there is a section dedicated to them, like a large room really (like the room of requirement in Harry Potter) where I can mentally check on them and see what they are doing at the moment and can listen to them and converse with them sometime (I usually keep my original characters separated from the characters I'm attached too from various fandoms- Bryan Caplan and Tony Stark must never meet... Same with Conrad Heist and Anthony DiNozzo... Don't get me started on the disaster that would be Loki and Ryan Colbert [daddy issues to the max and Ryan is impressionable right now]). Anyway, lately I've had only a few ideas on how to move my plot lines forward. What I have in surplus are various dialogues that don't really fit with anything, and it's not dialogues that are feel good fluff pieces either. I'm getting snippets of pure sarcasm and internal monologues that aren't mine. I'm getting words that mean nothing to me (it's my brain's way of trying to speak Latin, that much I know). I'm getting supernatural beings that I'm slowly creating. I'm getting images of groups in cloaks paired with gothic instrumentals. It's strange. My brain gets like this every so often when I get stressed with the world and such. It's been a while. The last time it happened I created my own "universe" (our world, my terms) and two casts of characters with a connection between two, one from each cast (Neil Heist and Conrad Heist, brothers). I really don't want to end up with another acronym obsessed character Bryan Caplan is hard enough to deal with (once I've taken the time to give them a personality I don't have control over what they do). So for now, I'll probably just jot down ideas, write lines of random dialogue, and maybe even do some character creation. I'll probably also take a few back to the drawing board and either rework them (if they go willingly that's a sign I'm doing the right thing) or add to their pasts and personality (that can be fun, but sometimes painful because reasons).

So that's my brain dump. I'm probably slowly loosing myself or something but that's okay I always find myself again in the end. So for now, Sanders out.

I've Got A Theory

In freshman year, I became interested in society and social order. At the time, I was also fascinated with wolves and their social interactions. Meanwhile in school, I was taking Debate and was constantly looking at the news and googling various ideas and concepts. I came up with my own "theory" (for lack of a better word) on how our society worked. It seemed to hold true in some areas, but since it's something I came up with in 9th grade, as well as being exactly that, a theory, it obviously has a few weak spots and holes and doesn't apply to the whole of society. That being said, the theory I came up with in 9th grade is called Pack Theory (hey, I wanted to be legit, so I named it, if I remember right, I actually googled to see if it existed or if something like it existed).

What is it?
Pack Theory is the idea that our social structure within groups is similar to that of a wolf pack. You have the big bosses on top which are the alphas. The subordinates that still have power (probably your boss that you answer to) which are the betas. And then all the underlings after that are the omegas. This concept can apply almost anywhere; a big corporation, a small start up, school, family, even within your own group of friends (although my particular group of friends doesn't really roll this way, at least I don't think we do). Does it apply to our government? In some ways it does, but overall, not really. But let's not dwell on what may or may not be, instead let's look at some breakdowns. Please note when I say omega, I don't mean it in a bad way, it's just a way of saying not major power and not management, also the way I may rank things might be different from how you might view things, it's just my opinion.

Businesses
This is probably the easiest to imagine, explain, wrap your mind around. In a business, whether it's a small start up or a huge corporation, there are higher ups and underlings. In a small start up, the pack is small and most likely depends on one another more, so the line between alpha and omegas are not quite there yet. Most likely everyone is operating on a beta level with the owner or whatever being the alpha. Are there omegas? Yes, but since a small start up is trying to be more, the lines are blurred. They are there, but blurred. However, if you look at a mega corporation, there are various packs within one huge pack (remember similar to a wolf pack; never said only one pack per group). The large pack being the whole company. The CEO and probably the CFO (one more I just can't remember the last one) are the alphas (ignore the board of directors in my brain they don't exist even though they are above the CEO). Under the alphas are a string of betas that have varied amounts of power. The betas are your department heads, managers, team leaders, etc. Then the omegas are everyone else. Within a corporation, there might be various offices in various cities which have their own structures. This is where the packs within a large pack comes from.

School
This is more of a faux pack. No one usually holds any real power but there are those who might have a higher social standing. In this sense, the "popular" kids are the alphas. The not "lame" kids are the betas. There's the kids who are just there and aren't really anything. And then there's the kids at the bottom of the pack who are the omegas. Basic stuff, you didn't really need me to spell it out for you, but I did anyway. There's also the rank of grade level. Generally the freshmen are the omegas. Sophomores are kind of just there. Juniors could be seen as betas (personally I see them as just there). And then seniors are a mix of alphas and betas. Cliques, teams, clubs, (groups really) all have their own order of things as well.

Family
There's an order to things in most families. There is usually a matriarchal or patriarchal figure, their favorites/those who try to take control, and then the rest of the family. Pretty straight forward. Probably a hierarchy among genders and age groups, as well as among various sides of the family.

Friends
Most likely, a group of friends is going to be made up of a few alphas and the rest betas, no one is really an omega. When I say alpha, I mean those who are primary decision makers, the ones that usually have final say, or at least seem to have all the "power." I'm not saying that alphas in a group of friends are like dictators. That's not at all what I'm saying. The line between alpha and beta are barely there; it all just blends together. (I'm trying to convey what's in my brain, but it might be getting lost in translation) To me there aren't really an omegas in a group of friends, everyone is more or less on equal ground.

Anyway, that's more or less Pack Theory. It's a still a work in progress. I'm still trying to figure out lone wolves and coyotes, as well as other ways this might apply. I'm not saying that this is exactly how everything works, just that this is the general trend that I've interpreted. Humans are strange, unique and generally unpredictable creatures. Pack Theory is meant to be a basic framework of how social order might stand. I hope you enjoyed it. Later this week I might post something about the various generations (generation Y, millennials, generation Z, etc.) For now though, Sanders out.

Absurdism

Caution: You are about to enter the philosophical corner. Philosophy begins... Right now!

I just finished reading Camus' The Plague for lit class and one of the themes in the book is absurdism. Absurdism is philosophy based on the belief that the universe is irrational and meaningless and that the search for order brings the individual into conflict with the universe.

Now absurdism shouldn't be confused with nihilism, extreme skepticism maintaining that nothing in the world has a real existence. And nihilism and absurdism aren't like existentialism.

Existentialism is the belief that through a combination of awareness, free will, and personal responsibility, one can construct their own meaning within a world that intrinsically has none of its own.

Nihilism is the belief that not only is there no intrinsic meaning in the universe, but that it’s pointless to try to construct our own as a substitute.

Absurdism is the belief that a search for meaning is inherently in conflict with the actual lack of meaning, but that one should both accept this and simultaneously rebel against it by embracing what life has to offer.

There's three ways that one can choose to accept the absurd...

Suicide due to life being ultimately meaningless and therefore either too boring or too painful
Embracing a meaning framework such as religion or spirituality
Acceptance of the lack of meaning, and living on in spite of it.

Personally, I accept the lack of meaning and move on with my life. Yes, my little life in this ginormous universe doesn't make much difference in said universe and is there fore meaningless. Oh, woe is me, my life means nothing, blah, blah, blah. I accept this and you know what, life goes on. Now, back to The Plauge (slight spoilers ahead).

**** Slight Spoilers Ahead!!!****

The Plague has examples of all three responses with the plague itself representing the absurd. In the beginning, Cottard tries to kill himself because of his guilt of a past crime (his own plague of sorts). However, Cottard doesn’t succeed and uses the plague to his advantage and profits off other’s suffering. Father Paneloux tries to make sense of the plague by saying it’s the punishment of God. He later watches a child die and his own faith wavers. He eventually dies of an illness might have been plague but wasn’t completely known. Rieux, Rambert, and Tarrou respond the way Camus prefers. They recognize the absurd, the plague and the threat of their own demise, but continue to work against it and find meaning in trying to heal others.

**** End of Slight Spoilers****

So, that's absurdism and nihilism and existentialism, well, a brief over view of them. I'm more of an absurdist. I'm not trying to create my own meaning like existentialists and I'm not sitting around like the nihilists. I'm accepting that my own life is meaningless in this world and you know what, I'm okay with that, so I continue on in my small meaningless life and life goes on. Sanders out.

Double Edged Swords

Last year, my English teacher asked us to write an essay on what we thought evil was. Seriously, it was called the Evil Essay. So, after thinking long and hard about everything I thought about society, life, and all that jazz. I came up with this.

Evil is perception and opinion.

Now that's all fine and dandy, and I wrote my essay on why evil was perception and opinion, but I managed to miss the bigger picture. My concluding statement was, Like a double edged sword, it depends on the side that a person looks at, or uses, to determine if something, or someone, is “evil.” The bigger picture my sophomore mind failed to see at the time, was that perception and opinion are double edged swords. They have their positives and negatives, pros and cons, however you wish to phrase it, but they are double edged swords. Once I realized this fact, I got to thinking, what if there were more double edged swords?

The Double Edged Sword of Society

Now there isn't one sole thing that is the double edged swords of society, but there are many. Perception, opinion, morals, ethics, even society itself. One minute, everything is fine and working with you, maybe you just told off some guy for not recycling and how it was people like him who are ruining the planet and are feeling pretty good about yourself because you recycled. However, that same concept of recycling can come back and bite you. Maybe you forgot to put your newspaper in the recycling bin and threw it in the normal trash, someone notices and in turn tells you off for not recycling. That's essentially that old saying, what goes around comes around. But that's beside the point. The point is that EVERYTHING is a double edged sword.

Even your hobbies and passions are a double edged sword.

I'm an amateur photographer. I love taking pictures. I've been told my pictures are beautiful and even inspire some people. However, while I love photography, it is an expensive hobby. I have a DSLR, digital single lens reflex, this means that my camera has a mirror in it that flips up and the sensor records the image off it. Now the mirror and sensor are very delicate and are the heart and soul of the camera. It costs a lot to get that tiny object cleaned. In addition to that, I am constantly looking online at camera equipment to figure out what lens I want next, or what kind of flash unit I might want. My current wish list is expansive, and expensive. And just like that, the thing I love the most and wish I could do all day, becomes my worst nightmare and greatest enemy. But it's not just photography. Sporting equipment is expensive as well. For professional athletes, one tiny injury, that was gotten while playing,can end their career for good. The sport that made them, becomes the sport that brakes them.

Overall, this all points to one thing, life. Life has its ups and downs. Life has its great moments when everything is working out for you, but life also has its moment when you feel like it is chewing you up and spitting you out. You get that big job promotion and everyone is congratulating you that day. You walk into the office the next day and everyone hates you, or rather, your position. Life likes to play with us mortals. It likes to throw curve balls and screw balls, and sometimes, just plain balls. Which brings me to my final point, the big picture my sophomore mind failed to see...

Life itself is a double edged sword, that is made up of a whole lot of double edged swords.

But you know what, that's what makes life interesting.

And now for a post about something completely random...

What does the color brown remind me of?

Brown reminds me of pie.

And trees

which reminds me of dirt

and that reminds me of Earth

which reminds me of humanity

which leads to society

and how it's stupid and idiotic

and that leads to me counting the ways that society is stupid and idiotic

which leads me thinking about to how it would be if we didn't have society

which gets me philosophizing

and that leads to my big revelation

It's all a facade.

And that's what brown reminds me of.

Change

Change... It's something we all go through. It's something that life throws at you when you least expect it. It's something you plan for. It's something we all fear at times. None the less, change can be a great thing. Change can be the thing that saves you when you've hit rock bottom. Change can be what determines your future. Overall, change is a force that is greater than most other forces. Change can force us to think on our feet. Change. It can be scary and intimidating, but over all, change is necessary.

Social Contract

Social contract... It's an interesting idea. Not as interesting as my theory about how we copy the pack structure of wolves into out social hierarchy. But still, the idea that there is an implied contract among society is quite interesting. We, from when we were little, have been taught that certain things are always wrong and certain things are all ways right. The social contract has been adapted, changed, altered, added to, and has had things removed over the years but it is always implied among society.