Life at the Moment

Senior year. It's supposed to be awesome. So far... It's alright. I mean it is awesome but at the same time, I can't help but feel like it could be more. Anyway, I feel like I've hit a wall. I haven't actually written in weeks, I'm pretty sure I've lost some muscle memory from the summer when I was carrying my camera everywhere. That or my body has decided to completely block out the physical activity and act like it never happened. Physically, I'm tired but ok. Mentally, I'm the same as ever, multiple thoughts, roads not taken but really want to be taken, random thought. Emotionally, I just want to cry some nights (and days, in the middle of class... That sign in Ms. Mullen's classroom really gets on my nerves... If I want to cry in math then I'll cry in math... Just not in front of anyone), but I don't because I tell myself not to and it doesn't solve anything so I move on. Eventually I'll probably just feel numb and emotionally fragile because I probably should cry.

On a happy note, I'VE GOT THE AWESOMEST SCE EVER!!!! I'm doing an independent project/ internship with Mr. Brown and it's involving mythology and I think I'm doing something for Ms. Milstead. The point is Mr. Brown is awesome. Lit is awesome. And everything that my SCE is about is awesome! That part of life is great. Though I could do without the strange division of hours, the journal entries, CARP and Ms. Napoleon (hee hee the one rule of every European history class), but you know, somethings can't be helped.

AP Lit is alright and so is yearbook. I love my AP Euro class, though I need to remember to read the book and notes... Yeah... Totally should do that. I have to make up the summer work for Econ so I'm not failing. I also have to pull up my calc grade so I don't fail calc. The one class I wish I could drop but can't... AP Calculus AB. But, I'm meeting with Mr. Hulme tomorrow to see if he'd be a good tutor and hopefully I can work with him because I might just fail calc... Bad thought shake it off. So that's senior year so far... OH YEAH! I'm taking 3D modeling and it's AMAZING!!! I love it! SO that's life at the moment. I read something today that really touched me in such a way that gave me the boost I needed.

“The thing I think we have to remember is that there is no finish line with depression, anxiety, or any other sort of mental illness. We’re on this path, and the path is constantly changing. Sometimes it’s flat and well-marked, and we can see all the way to the horizon.” I realized that I had gone from shaking his hand to holding it. “Other times, it’s so heavily shrouded in fog and mist, we can’t even see past our fingertips and we need someone to show us where the path is. And sometimes, we come to a wall that we don’t think we’ll ever get over. I’ve been staring at the base of that wall for weeks, and just now you helped me remember that there are always handholds to get up and over it.”

-Wil Wheaton, http://wilwheaton.net/2015/08/tears-in-rain/